Not sure how many of you will find this post particularly interesting, but I wanted to jot down some things about being pregnant that I never want to forget . . .
like the first day I could truly tell how excited Brian was about having a baby. Initially, he was overwhelmed with the responsibility of providing for another person. But as the weeks wore on I could tell his anxiety was beginning to wane. When we went for the second ultrasound (I was exactly 12 weeks pregnant), the baby was moving like crazy - jumping up and down, even waving his/her little hand at us as if to say, "Hey guys! I'm doing great in here!" I didn't even have to look at Brian's face to know that in that moment this little person growing inside of me became incredibly real to him and he was suddenly in love. I guess that's a perk to marrying your best friend, you just sense those things instinctively without either one of you uttering a word.
I also don't want to forget all the nicknames Brian has come up with for our baby. I usually refer to him/her as "Baby Adams" since we don't have name yet. However, during the nausea stage of my pregnancy Brian decided that "fire monster" was a better term. I guess he felt like it was more fitting given the way he/she was making me feel. However, since recovering from the sickness and getting that second ultrasound we now affectionately refer to our baby as "peanut." Even though he/she is much larger than a peanut at this point, it seems fitting for it's precious little life. I am sure that there will be many more names to come. Brian is the master of nicknames! If you recall, a long time ago I wrote a post about all the different names he's called me over the years :) They are all in love though, just like they are with the baby.
So . . . there's one more thing I'd like to write, or maybe I should say admit. This statement will by no stretch flatter me, but I think it's important to be honest. One of my biggest concerns is that I will be jealous of Baby Adams. That I will envy the love Brian gives he/she and will wonder if he loves it more than me. There, I said it. I told you it wasn't pretty. Brought to you courtesy of my sinful heart. I am, however, comforted by the fact that a good friend of mine has a similar concern . . . that her husband will pay more attention to the baby than to her. Ahhhhhhhh. Relief. As twisted as it sounds, I am glad to hear that I'm not completely abnormal and similar thoughts have crossed someone else's mind too.
There's no doubt in my mind that the marriage must come first; that putting the marriage first is truly the best thing for the child. I know that Brian and I both know this full well. But I also know that we have no idea how much we're going to love this little baby, and how difficult it might be to put each other first sometimes. In any case, I'm sure we'll make plenty of mistakes but figure it out with the help of our loving heavenly Father.
Ok, so that wasn't the last thing. There's one more thing that I have to mention . . . something I'm really excited about. I cannot wait to worship God with my children. I seriously cannot wait to teach them about worshipping God in freedom and truth. I want them to know what it feels like to lift your spirit in praise to the Lord! My hope is that it will be constant in our home. That stopping to listen to praise music or making our own worshipful music will be like second nature to my children. That lifting their hands in awe and praise to their heavenly Father would be reactionary. Of course, I simply want them to feel the freedom to do that, if they choose not to that's ok, certainly. I'm just excited about worshipping with them.
Whew. That was long, but I wanted to get it all down. I'm sure there will be much more to come in the next 6 months!