Sunday, April 25, 2010
I think I need to be real and talk about some real issues facing those of us who call ourselves moms . . .
I confess that ever since I had Sage I feel like I've been a different person. I'm not myself, or maybe I'm just a heightened version of myself. I don't like what I've allowed myself to become. I think it's high time I made up my mind to change. What's the Bible verse? "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
Here's the struggle . . . I love the little booger so much that I worry about EVERYTHING. I stress over EVERYTHING. She wakes up too early from a nap and I'm in a tizzy. She spits up a little and I freak out. I think she should go to sleep because she's tired, but she won't and I get flustered. And for what? Is it really that big of a deal? Definitely not. I've realized that this stressful attitude is making me miserable, and probably making me miserable to live with. (Poor Brian, catching the brunt.) The fact of the matter is, I desperately want everything to go smoothly. I want to sleep. I want Sage to be happy all the time and never experience pain. I want, I want, I want, and yet that's just not the way life is. I could spend the rest of my days worrying over this child and it wouldn't do me or her a bit of good. It's time to renew my mind. Make a conscious decision to relax. Put life into proper perspective. Sage is too precious for me not to enjoy her first months of life to the fullest. And the rest of my family and friends will certainly benefit from a less uptight Lindsay too.
I'm quite sure this behavior is normal for a first time mom, but if I don't nip it in the bud it has the potential to snowball. This will be challenging for me. I'm a worry wart by nature I do believe. But I long to be transformed, and God's Word gives me hope.